Sunday, January 2, 2011

Writing in 2011...Episode 1: The Grammarian and the Judgementalist

The scene:  THE New Year 2011.  Camera angles out wide on said writer, fingers hovering over laptop keyboard, hair in pony tail, make-up absent.

The decision:  This is the year of the writer.  It is time to begin the mental push-ups that will hone this writer's skills and actually and possibly entertain the (two) readers of her blog.

The action:  There is a book, a magical book...a magical book hidden beneath other books that gives advice on writing.  I got it from my friend, my inspiration, years back...here's the inscription:
"Heather-you are a writer, and I hope to one day buy your award-winning novel and have it autographed.  --Barb, December 2001".  No, I did not get the date wrong.  Ten years ago I received this inspirational book to help me become a better wordsmith.  I have carried it around, paged through it, thought about it, and now it is time to use it.

First prompt:  Make two aspects of your own personality into characters driving to the coast.  (I picked the east coast, as I would like to visit there).

I'm not certain that Judgmentalist is even a word, but I like it.  These are two aspects of my personality that I find annoying at times, and interesting at other times. 

The car is red, my favorite color.  It has four doors, as that would fit all of our stuff.  The Grammarian and the Judgementalist (from hereonout to be known as G and J) are driving three miles over the speed limit, as J can't stand it when people drive exactly the speed limit...limits are meant to be tested, but not abused.  Of course J is driving.  Their destination is a beach somewhere east.  It is July, my favorite month.  It is pushing lunchtime.

Here's the conversation:
G:  Hey, did you see that sign?  It says EAT HERE.  I'm hungry, but I'm not certain I want to "Eat there".  Would I be correct in assuming that you feel similarly?
J:  I make it a point to NEVER eat at a restaurant or diner the has the words EAT or FOOD in the sign.  Far too obvious and probably just an interpretation of what is REALLY going on in those joints (J often speaks in capitals to emphasize her ever-so-important opinions).
G:  I was going to read a bit, but car reading often makes me nauseous.  Remember that book we read last summer?  The one about the lady who left her family and went off to cook at a home for young unwed mothers? (a real book, by the way).
J:  Far too obvious a plot.  I hated that character.  She was weak and selfish and tragic (magic 3).  I like a character I can relate to, one with intestinal fortitude, one more like me.  You know, if there were more people in the world who thought like me, things would be so much better for everyone.
G:  Too true.  Hey, do you think Sandy will be at the reunion?
J:  God, I hope not.  If she starts talking to me, you have GOT to rescue me.  Come up with some grammatical emergency or something...I don't know, maybe someone misspelled the cake.  Just keep her away from me, she drives me crazy. 
G:  Do you want me to drive for a while?
J:  No, you are always so distracted when you drive.  Remember that time you were trying to decipher a vanity plate and almost landed us in the lake? 


First set of mental push-ups complete.  Muscles are a bit weak...I'll try again later.

Happy New Year!